Thanks for the detailed feedback! I found it very helpful and not nitpicky at all.
I struggled with finding a balance between explaining everything and letting the readers figure things out. My biggest worry was that it would be incomprehensible without the long exposition, but based on your response I should have run this by more test readers.
Regarding the ending, I definitely felt the speech and aftermath was the weakest part of the story, and I like how your suggestions would add tension and stakes like you said. When I have time, I'll see how I can make those work and edit them in.
Thanks for the detailed feedback! I found it very helpful and not nitpicky at all.
I struggled with finding a balance between explaining everything and letting the readers figure things out. My biggest worry was that it would be incomprehensible without the long exposition, but based on your response I should have run this by more test readers.
Regarding the ending, I definitely felt the speech and aftermath was the weakest part of the story, and I like how your suggestions would add tension and stakes like you said. When I have time, I'll see how I can make those work and edit them in.
Hope you enjoyed reading! Any feedback would be appreciated. I will literally Venmo you $5 for it (PM me).
Also, I submitted this the night of the deadline, but it wasn't moderator-approved until the morning after. Sorry for procrastinating