I want to share a deeply personal and painful journey I've had with the EA movement. It’s not an easy story to tell, but I believe there's value in presenting this side of the coin. I really want to protect my anonymity, so I'd ask you to please be respectful of my wish and to not reach out to me.
Not so long ago, I became wholeheartedly committed to the EA cause. I left a good job after receiving funding to pursue work that resonated with the movement's principles. My belief was so strong that I relocated to another city, eager to make a meaningful impact. A lot of promises were made. A lot of enthusiasm surrounded EA future.
Then, the unexpected: my main source of funding collapsed. With its downfall, my life spiraled. I felt deserted by the very community I'd given so much to. Nobody reached out; nobody seemed to care. It was a profound isolation I had never anticipated.
This experience plunged me into a severe major depressive episode, one so grave I've grappled with all sorts of dark thoughts. I've now sought treatment for this, but every day is a struggle. For years, I sidelined personal pursuits, including forming meaningful personal and romantic relationships outside the movement, dedicating myself to issues like the potential AI apocalypse and other matters that now seem distant and abstract, when compared to the day-to-day struggles of non-Anglo-American privileged and gifted youngsters. In prioritizing these concerns, I lost sight of the spontaneous, daily realities that give life its texture and meaning.
My experience has also left me deeply disillusioned with EA's principles and strategies. I've become nihilistic, doubting if the movement's approach to the world, as noble as it might seem, is genuinely grounded in reality. There's a detachment I've observed, where some of the most crucial elements of our shared human experience, like the importance of spontaneous everyday moments, seem to get lost.
In sharing this, my hope isn't to condemn or vilify the EA movement but to highlight the dangers of over-commitment and the risk of losing oneself in a cause. While it’s commendable to be passionate, it's essential to remember our humanity, the very thing we’re trying to help and protect.
I've felt that too. I didn't have the exact same scenario of losing funding; I lost a job. I hadn't yet built a support network, and without the income from that job I couldn't afford to live in big expensive city. Former colleagues who had previously been friendly never contacted me again; they never said "hey, I saw this job posting that I think you would be good for." People I had interacted with at EA social events didn't contact me. People who had reached out to me for one-on-ones at conferences no longer did so. I assume that they only reached out to me previously because I was associated with a prestigious institution, which made me feel used as a means to an end rather than as an end in myself.
It makes me think about "Diversity is being invited to the party; inclusion is being asked to dance." There were plenty of "parties" that I was able to access (conferences, Slack workspaces, chat groups), but I wasn't "asked to dance."
What I perceive as the lack of welcomingness has made me pretty sad at times.
Sending you virtual hugs.