I want to share a deeply personal and painful journey I've had with the EA movement. It’s not an easy story to tell, but I believe there's value in presenting this side of the coin. I really want to protect my anonymity, so I'd ask you to please be respectful of my wish and to not reach out to me.
Not so long ago, I became wholeheartedly committed to the EA cause. I left a good job after receiving funding to pursue work that resonated with the movement's principles. My belief was so strong that I relocated to another city, eager to make a meaningful impact. A lot of promises were made. A lot of enthusiasm surrounded EA future.
Then, the unexpected: my main source of funding collapsed. With its downfall, my life spiraled. I felt deserted by the very community I'd given so much to. Nobody reached out; nobody seemed to care. It was a profound isolation I had never anticipated.
This experience plunged me into a severe major depressive episode, one so grave I've grappled with all sorts of dark thoughts. I've now sought treatment for this, but every day is a struggle. For years, I sidelined personal pursuits, including forming meaningful personal and romantic relationships outside the movement, dedicating myself to issues like the potential AI apocalypse and other matters that now seem distant and abstract, when compared to the day-to-day struggles of non-Anglo-American privileged and gifted youngsters. In prioritizing these concerns, I lost sight of the spontaneous, daily realities that give life its texture and meaning.
My experience has also left me deeply disillusioned with EA's principles and strategies. I've become nihilistic, doubting if the movement's approach to the world, as noble as it might seem, is genuinely grounded in reality. There's a detachment I've observed, where some of the most crucial elements of our shared human experience, like the importance of spontaneous everyday moments, seem to get lost.
In sharing this, my hope isn't to condemn or vilify the EA movement but to highlight the dangers of over-commitment and the risk of losing oneself in a cause. While it’s commendable to be passionate, it's essential to remember our humanity, the very thing we’re trying to help and protect.
Thank you for reaching out and asking how the community can support me during this time. Your consideration means a lot, especially given the challenging journey I've been on.
The aftermath of my funder's collapse took a significant toll on me. Despite the well-intentioned promises of assistance for those impacted, I felt ghosted and unsupported. I've now returned to my home country, where I'm navigating a very different set of challenges. Currently, I'm attempting to reinvent myself professionally in a place that feels very removed from the epicenters of EA.
My background, which is humble and without a traditional support system, makes my situation even more precarious. The decision to leave a stable job for the promise of making a meaningful impact has had profound consequences. This choice left me with a strong reluctance to re-enter the traditional workforce, even if my skills are clearly valuable and rare, a sentiment only intensified by my ongoing battle with major depression.
While I value the emotional and social support from the EA community, I also recognize the inherent differences in our day-to-day experiences. The juxtaposition of my current challenges against the backdrop of peers who may be in more favorable situations abroad underscores the solitude of my journey.
The only tangible way the community could assist is by contributing towards some of the expenses I'm currently shouldering, for example, therapy. The sessions are a significant outlay, but they're essential for my well-being, especially as I anticipate continuing them for a while.
Another area of potential support could be in the form of pro-bono mentorship or guidance as I try to reinvent my career as a freelancer/entrepreneur.
Ultimately, while the past cannot be changed, and the challenges are real, the act of reaching out and showing genuine concern provides a measure of comfort. I'm unsure if anything could significantly alter my emotional state right now, but the interest is nonetheless appreciated.