You’re Enough

I told someone recently I would respect them if they only worked 40 hours a week, instead of their current 50-60. 

What I really meant was stronger than that.

I respect people who do the most impactful work they can — whether they work 70 hours a week because they can, 30 hours so they can be home with their kid, or 15 hours because of illness or burnout. 

I admire those who go above and beyond. But I don’t expect that of everyone. Working long hours isn’t required to earn my respect, nor do I think it should be the standard that we hold as a community. I want it to be okay to say "that doesn't work for me".

It feels like donations: I admire people who give away 50%, but I don’t expect it. I still deeply respect someone who gives 10% to the most impactful charities.

As a productivity coach I see a lot of ambitious EAs struggling to live up to their own (often unrealistic) expectations. The sense of what they “should” do is sky high, and often unconnected with any reasonable path from where they are now. The unreasonableness is especially stark with people learning to live with a new chronic health condition, as they constantly compare their present capacity with what they could do before. 

Personally, I average less than 40 hours due to chronic health issues. Accepting that has been hard. There’s never a clear line between pushing myself and resting enough — but I’m happier and more productive when I balance work with “happiness time,” without beating myself up for needing more rest than others.  

I want others to have that same freedom. If setting your own sustainable pace were seen as morally okay, maybe I would see fewer people constantly pushing themselves into unhealthy, unhappy situations. (Of course, accommodations depend on the job and are often a privilege — but that’s a reason it’s hard, not a reason not to try.) I want to support a community where there’s affordances for respecting your sustainable limits.  

So, in case you needed someone to give you permission -- it’s okay to set a sustainable, happy pace that works for you even if someone else can do more. 

Other things – like family, friends, gardening, hobbies that make you happy – are worth valuing, and it’s okay (even good) that your happiness and identity are diversified beyond just your work. 

I think I need those things that I care about just for me, not because someone else will metaphorically pat me on the head for doing a good job. I think the world is a better place when I take the time to tend my plants, cuddle my dog, and create beautiful things and spaces.  

Additionally, if the world changes and there's no longer work for me and most other humans, or if I change and can no longer do the work I find meaningful, I still want something important that can thrive in that world. And that means having something I value and love that isn't about my ability to contribute. 

For me, that comes partly from accepting my limits as gracefully as I can, and partly from filling the space around them with the most meaningful bits of self and creativity and connection I can find. So I'll put in my hours, then rest into something good. And I'm going to treat it like I do donating 10% -- it's admirable to do more, but this is enough. I'm still a good person, and I think you are too. 

If this resonated with you, I highly recommend Julia Wise’s excellent pieces Cheerfully and You have more than one goal, and that's fine. And I’m going to mollify my anxious instinct to puts caveats everywhere with one link to the Rule of Equal and Opposite Advice.