My five-year-old Earnie generally doesn't lie. For example, if I ask, "Why is Teddy crying?" he will say, "I took the bike from him". He sometimes does "tricking," but usually that's something very silly and obvious. (Note: I can imagine looking back at this in a few months and being surprised. Things often go in phases with kids.)
I think he learned about deceit and trust, at least in part because I make a point of not lying to my kids. When they are skeptical of something I've said, I'll ask them, "Do I lie?" and they will reflect and say, "Mommy doesn't lie."
Our 3-year-old seems not quite on the no-lying page yet (he seems to enjoy it and giggles about it sometimes). Recently, he has seemed to treat pinky promises with more reverence, but we'll see.
I'm not sure if this is helpful, but the other night, my 3-year-old son Teddy decided to start screaming for milk after we were in bed. He already had two cups of milk when we were downstairs, and there was no more milk. I explained and asked if he was thirsty. He said he was. I gave him a bottle of water. He screamed, "I want miiiiiilk" over and over and rejected the water. Eventually, I just cuddled him in bed. He cried for about a minute once I cuddled him up, and he passed out. It seems like he was overtired but also wanted to go downstairs and delay sleep for some reason? Or maybe he was just desperate for milk for some reason, even though he had a bunch. I'm not totally sure what was going on.
We now have a deal that I will ask him about milk right before bed, but once we are upstairs with teeth brushed, I won't be going down for milk. Wish me luck!
Aw, so relatable! Thanks for sharing. And I love how you're modeling how parents apologize to kids when we get it wrong, that is really important to me with my kids.
I was feeling a bit bashful after Peter reminded me I forgot to include Split and Commit, but when I pinged Duncan (the author) he said the more reinventions of it the idea the better! That seems like a great attitude, since different things work well for different people.
In some cases, these kinds of stories tend to be better for me too (even though I came to EA through the rationality community!). I think this is especially true when I'm explaining something in conversations.
I'm very excited to welcome you to the team, Zach! I like your vision for CEA, think you did a good job managing a very challenging situation with EV, and I'm personally very enthusiastic about the opportunity to work together!
To add to what Caitlin said, my experience as a hiring manager and as a candidate is that this often is not the case.
When I was hired at CEA I took roles on two different teams (Head of US Operations at CEA and the Events Team role at EAO, which later merged into CEA). My understanding at the time is that they didn’t have second choice candidates with my qualifications, and I was told by the EAO hiring manager that they would have not filled the position if I didn’t accept (I don’t remember whether I checked this with the CEA role).
I should note that I was applying for these roles in 2015 and that the hiring pool has changed since then. But in my experience as a hiring manager (especially for senior/generalist positions), it can be really hard to find a candidate that fits the specific requirements. Part of this is that my team requires a fairly specific skillset (that includes EA context, execution ability, and fit with our high energy culture) but I wouldn’t be surprised if other hiring managers have similar experiences. I think as the team grows and more junior positions become available this might be more flexible, though I think “indistinguishable” is still not accurate.
My five-year-old Earnie generally doesn't lie. For example, if I ask, "Why is Teddy crying?" he will say, "I took the bike from him". He sometimes does "tricking," but usually that's something very silly and obvious. (Note: I can imagine looking back at this in a few months and being surprised. Things often go in phases with kids.)
I think he learned about deceit and trust, at least in part because I make a point of not lying to my kids. When they are skeptical of something I've said, I'll ask them, "Do I lie?" and they will reflect and say, "Mommy doesn't lie."
Our 3-year-old seems not quite on the no-lying page yet (he seems to enjoy it and giggles about it sometimes). Recently, he has seemed to treat pinky promises with more reverence, but we'll see.
I'm not sure if this is helpful, but the other night, my 3-year-old son Teddy decided to start screaming for milk after we were in bed. He already had two cups of milk when we were downstairs, and there was no more milk. I explained and asked if he was thirsty. He said he was. I gave him a bottle of water. He screamed, "I want miiiiiilk" over and over and rejected the water. Eventually, I just cuddled him in bed. He cried for about a minute once I cuddled him up, and he passed out. It seems like he was overtired but also wanted to go downstairs and delay sleep for some reason? Or maybe he was just desperate for milk for some reason, even though he had a bunch. I'm not totally sure what was going on.
We now have a deal that I will ask him about milk right before bed, but once we are upstairs with teeth brushed, I won't be going down for milk. Wish me luck!
Aw, so relatable! Thanks for sharing. And I love how you're modeling how parents apologize to kids when we get it wrong, that is really important to me with my kids.
I hope she is feeling better!
Thank you! I'm glad. :)
I was feeling a bit bashful after Peter reminded me I forgot to include Split and Commit, but when I pinged Duncan (the author) he said the more reinventions of it the idea the better! That seems like a great attitude, since different things work well for different people.
In some cases, these kinds of stories tend to be better for me too (even though I came to EA through the rationality community!). I think this is especially true when I'm explaining something in conversations.
Thank you! Added a footnote.
Thanks so much for all of your work on the search committee!
I'm very excited to welcome you to the team, Zach! I like your vision for CEA, think you did a good job managing a very challenging situation with EV, and I'm personally very enthusiastic about the opportunity to work together!
To add to what Caitlin said, my experience as a hiring manager and as a candidate is that this often is not the case.
When I was hired at CEA I took roles on two different teams (Head of US Operations at CEA and the Events Team role at EAO, which later merged into CEA). My understanding at the time is that they didn’t have second choice candidates with my qualifications, and I was told by the EAO hiring manager that they would have not filled the position if I didn’t accept (I don’t remember whether I checked this with the CEA role).
I should note that I was applying for these roles in 2015 and that the hiring pool has changed since then. But in my experience as a hiring manager (especially for senior/generalist positions), it can be really hard to find a candidate that fits the specific requirements. Part of this is that my team requires a fairly specific skillset (that includes EA context, execution ability, and fit with our high energy culture) but I wouldn’t be surprised if other hiring managers have similar experiences. I think as the team grows and more junior positions become available this might be more flexible, though I think “indistinguishable” is still not accurate.
Thanks for the nudge! We've now posted more information here.
Thanks!
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