TL;DR

In late summer 2023, I realized my mental health was the biggest barrier to achieving my goals. Over the next six months, I made it a priority, working with a therapist on CBT, adjusting medication timing, and developing healthier habits (like meditating and wellness routines). This resulted in a noticeable improvement in my clarity, productivity, and overall well-being, which positively impacted my work and leadership.

This post is part of an effort to post more :)

Background and Context

• Late summer 2023: During a performance review, I realized my mental health was my biggest barrier to growth.
  • I had been diagnosed with depression years earlier and medication helped significantly, but I was still having breakthrough symptoms.
  • It was preventing me from achieving ambitious goals and handling important work decisions (like what my team should prioritize in the following quarter)
  • I made improving mental health a top priority in my personal development.
• Early 2024: By my next performance review, my mental health had significantly improved.
  • People around me, (such as my direct report and husband), noticed the difference in my mood and decision-making.
  • My affect in meetings is better, and I am overall less reactive and more stable.

Nuance and Disclaimer

• Still a work in progress: I have a long way to go in terms of mental health (and can still grow a lot in the things it affects like productivity and decision-making)
• Just one example: I know many people have done better jobs improving their mental health and are much more productive and stable than I am. I am mostly just writing this as one case study of many.
• Not universally applicable: Standard: what worked for me won’t work for everyone
• Why I’m writing: I’m sharing this as an example of someone who’s made some progress, hoping it might resonate with others in a similar situation.

Some ways progress has affected my work

• Fewer doom spirals:
  • I used to get caught in weekly (sometimes more) emotional breakdowns and thought spirals, which would take me out of action for hours.
  • These spirals would make me feel like I wasn’t doing well enough, wasting time, and letting people down (which in turn made it worse!)
  • Now, they’re much less frequent, less than once a month and when they happen, they are shorter/less severe
  • I have much more clarity when making decisions, and I’m not as overwhelmed by emotions.
• Increased productivity:
  • I’m getting more done and feel less self-doubt.
  • I’m able to focus more on the work in front of me and consistently crank out productive days.
• Leadership impact:
  • The improvements in my mental health have made me a better leader— I approach situations with more calm and focus.
  • I feel more capable of handling the responsibilities I have, which is critical when leading a team and making strategic decisions.

What Made a Difference (in my rough guess at level of influence)

There are a lot of other things as well! But these are the most notable:

Therapy (with the right therapist)

• I tried therapy in the past, but it was a negative experience, often leaving me feeling worse and made me hesitate from trying it again for years Despite my hesitation, I gave it another shot, using the EA Mental Health Navigator to find a therapist who practiced Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
  • I specifically wanted CBT because of its evidence base and effectiveness for people like me.
• This therapist was incredibly helpful in identifying patterns of problematic thinking, reframing them, and suggesting practical actions I could take to help when I felt low (like making a “feel good” song playlist)
  • We worked on finding inconsistencies in my thoughts, reframing negative beliefs, and applying more productive ways of thinking. (The standard CBT stuff)
  • We really clicked, and I always left meetings with action points and feeling optimist/excited/much better
    • When I moved, I could no longer meet with her and have yet to recreate this.
      • I have tried ~4 or 5 different therapists since then and none clicked.
        • They were fine, but nowhere near as good - my guess is therapy relationships are very heavy-tailed.
    • I’m currently just using a free coaching program through my health insurance, which, while not as good, has been more effective than the other therapists I tried post-move.
  • Luckily, a lot of the effects continued and I am able to use the CBT tools I learned on my own (and with the help of books like Feeling Great)

Changing the time of taking medication

• I switched from taking antidepressants in the morning to taking them at night.
  • This made mornings much easier, significantly improving my energy levels and set my days off to a good start.
  • And also has allowed me to become a morning person!
• Unfortunately, this one is probably the least generalizable but had a big effect on me
  • But it’s possible, it’s worth talking to doctors about options like this

Meditation and Habit Tracking

• I started meditating regularly and added it as a tracked goal in my weekly agenda with my manager. (I found the intro sequence to 10% happier really helpful)
  • I was asked, “Did you meditate four out of five weeknights this week?” which kept me motivated to keep up the habit.
• For a period right after that performance review, I tracked my habits very rigorously:
  • Meditation, exercise, and other routines were strictly monitored weekly.
  • My manager held me accountable, giving feedback if I missed my targets, which helped me stay disciplined.
  • I tried making a Wellness Tracker to find correlations between sleep, exercise, and productivity and didn’t find much out.
• When I stopped meditating for a period in the summer, I noticed a clear difference.
  • My control over my thoughts weakened, and the thought spirals and emotional overwhelm became more frequent again.
  • Regular meditation allows me to focus better and manage emotional responses more effectively.
• Now I use the app “calm” instead of 10% happier.

80k podcasts on mental health

• The 80,000 Hours Podcast has some really nice mental health episodes (example)
  • I especially enjoyed the episodes on 80k After Hours, like the one on free will, which helped me embrace the idea that I can’t control everything.

Physical Routines

Exercise

• It was super important to find a routine that was fun and enjoyable.
  • For me, this is specific workout classes with really good fun music and getting involved in social sports (ie: by joining a social/beginner recc league or attending meetup group events)
• I also have in my weekly check-ins “did you workout >3 times this week”?
• Physical activity, especially when combined with a social element, is especially helpful for maintaining energy and positive affect

Sleep:

• I have always enjoyed sleeping, typically my issue was sleeping too much instead of too litte
  • I became strict about my daily routines, trying to wake up within 30min of the same time every day, even on vacations (but taking more naps on those vacations).
    • I am a lot worse on weekends and sometimes shift later but will schedule in obligations/workout classes as a way of forcing myself to get up after a reasonable number of hours of sleep.

Final Thoughts

• In six months, I went from frequent emotional breakdowns and decision paralysis to a place of more clarity, confidence, and emotional stability.
• This journey isn’t finished, but the changes I’ve made have had a profound impact on both my work and personal life and my guess is that other people can achieve that too :)